ENd of CNy

i do not know wat i did that anger the god
i felt i have drop into something deep
that i no longer feel anything
i am numb toward everything that happen..

Family
this weekend i have totally dissapointed of them
i always thought i give them wat they wan from me
but i nvr expect they actually look at me with the eye that i couldnt explain
i have not talk to them for a week , not i dun ..they disgusted to talk with me
i feel dissapointed...i do not wan go back..i wan to ..but fear to be betray..to be lied...
i cant say i am happy of my family anymore

Friends
when family have problem, look for friends..
but in this weekend it dun help..instead it give me more problem
once again, i saw myself how cheap i am in my friend eye..
fear i bring burden to them, fear that they betray me
but yet they do every single work to bring my mood go worst..

Love
Indeed, the worst person i ever wan to see right now...
a few months ago ..i lost trust in relationship
i thought i could find it from someone...but through something tht i dun agree about
they totally ditch me off far very corner...
dun give me hope when u dun plan to give..
because losing hope is much more worst than nvr ever hope b4

Hostel
this is the last place i ever wanted to be ...
a few days ago is ok ..
but i find out...thing nvr been any better

p/s: i nvr mention anythng happen, onli emotion and feeling...

i just wan to be care and be understand , that easy..but i no longer know who to trust..
i wan to cry..really..in my lifetime..i hope my tear will fall very much..
once i heard tear could relieve ur feeling
i feel terrible
i wan to cry..please

I love BOA

BOA - EaT u Up!

She is the best....

Self Know

i always think i very clear to myself
in emotionly and also in the way i settle my stuff
but nowadays i realize i am very easy to be moved
whenever i get ignored, rejected, scolded..etc..i know i wil have a bad and strong feeling
trying to ram my cool and steady mind...
i always tried to put it down..stay focus ..but not for long..
when ever i am alone..i tend to do something that usually cannot be seen by others..

especially these few days, when tension and stress join forces..there is no where i can hide...
i found my new self..i am a guy but i cannot be hurt in or out..easily moved and easily boom to a sense that even i feel disgusted of myself...

i feel disapointed of myself...i always look up high of how i am ...but after so long..i realize that i have to add another point to my list of failureness..even though i am clear of wat i am ..i do not find it something great.. i find my weakness more and more ..day by day ..and worth of myself..getiing deem and deem...

wat i am now?losing the self control of myself? losing my mind?losing my thought.? am i that weak ? do i need help? i really dunno..i wish to be stronger but i am not..all of it is just merely a wish..a hope ...i need support ...but i do not know how.....

please..give me strength........