Pathetic

i guess no one really will read anything here,

so here goes my terrible english...

i just wanna lay a question, how would u feel when u give all u had for something u cherish the most and yet the opposite always mention "i dun feel love from u , i feel i am like nothing at all"

is always easy to feel greedy to be love , and to be care but a phrase like that for someone that truly cherish u , they will break down

i always having this issue where ppl always think i dun give a fucking care about them

one of the most obvious happening is when Ken ask me "are u christian?"

i say "yes"

he replied " Do u go church ? Do u very into christian ?"

i say "yes"

and then he give me a reaction and said " Other than a bible in ur car, u dun look anyhow and i hardly believe u are Christian "

at that moment i felt , it was not how u are being judge by ur action ...

at a point i feel ur aura or impression give others how u see stuff...

you will always be the one that doing the bad stuff, and ppl always intend to freak out when u care too much

is like " wow! aaron actually so serious about it,

wow! nvr thought aaron can do something so cool " when u are just repeating doing something everyday ..the problem just no one really notice...

i wont boost around saying i do cherish a lot of thing...

but the world have to be fair to me, i aint a heartless freak over here...

there is a lot of thing i cherish , but yet the one u love the most always tend to find it hard to believe when u throw it into their face.. it is not they dun feel it.. they DUN BELIEVE!!

whenever u are trying to mention to ppl , "WOW, you actually care a lot!!!"

to be honest , it is a disgrace for ppl like us more than a compliment...

i am in such situation now where my heart and my effort tend to become a zero commitment in other ppl live,

my parents wont think i give a damn , my love always claiming i had not give enough...

i just dun feel i have anymore left when I GIVE IT MY ALL!!!

i have no one to talk to , no one to share but this pathetic blog,

i really hate this world for giving all the best to ppl that always got love,

yet ppl like us .. we are just low level... its like we are forever in a bad position to say we did stuff really good..

main point.. the moment we wan love... ppl tend to say stuff like " u already got so much from us!!! "

i will sweat a moment and feel like walking off, its so funny

its like i am shit that i dun deserve anything at all..

and eventually whatever i have now, i can proudly tell ppl i owe it with my best effort...

ppl that really knows me knows i care too much for others, while my own love wan...

is the totally opposite of that...

pathetic, i would say i am pathetic,,,

just freaking pathetic....