Desire

Recently there have been many thought jamming through my head..

i been wonder wat i have been archieving all this while...

i thought i did good..but onli when i leave my pathetic circle..i found out

actually everyone is doing so much better than me..

in term of handling themself.. i am still so far behind them..i feel like a kid again...

being pamper.. being spoon feed..being naive.. day by day..i become humble ..

do not wan to social..do not wan to care.. do not wan to let ppl know my thought..

fear of being laugh..being pointed to..being look down ..being a gossip target...

i always thought my live is as normal as others.. i deserve nothing more and i do not wan to complicated it...

but i am wrong..i do have a passion and desire inside me.. going to burn out ...

but i do not know where to start..how to do it..who to talk to ..

it does make my emotion and physically stress with all these tHinking..

i had a wrong thought of myself..i do not understand wat is my need and my likes..

i been drown into caring wat others tHink of me..and being a 3rd party ideally person...

i shud stand up.. being wat i am ..being who i am ...

i no longer want to live in a shadow ... not living under someone..but being someone... not fearing the dark..but be the dark... not being feed by the sun..but be the one that feed others...

good luck ..may the god bless me... i will now spread my wing...start my dream

~wing of desire~

ENd of CNy

i do not know wat i did that anger the god
i felt i have drop into something deep
that i no longer feel anything
i am numb toward everything that happen..

Family
this weekend i have totally dissapointed of them
i always thought i give them wat they wan from me
but i nvr expect they actually look at me with the eye that i couldnt explain
i have not talk to them for a week , not i dun ..they disgusted to talk with me
i feel dissapointed...i do not wan go back..i wan to ..but fear to be betray..to be lied...
i cant say i am happy of my family anymore

Friends
when family have problem, look for friends..
but in this weekend it dun help..instead it give me more problem
once again, i saw myself how cheap i am in my friend eye..
fear i bring burden to them, fear that they betray me
but yet they do every single work to bring my mood go worst..

Love
Indeed, the worst person i ever wan to see right now...
a few months ago ..i lost trust in relationship
i thought i could find it from someone...but through something tht i dun agree about
they totally ditch me off far very corner...
dun give me hope when u dun plan to give..
because losing hope is much more worst than nvr ever hope b4

Hostel
this is the last place i ever wanted to be ...
a few days ago is ok ..
but i find out...thing nvr been any better

p/s: i nvr mention anythng happen, onli emotion and feeling...

i just wan to be care and be understand , that easy..but i no longer know who to trust..
i wan to cry..really..in my lifetime..i hope my tear will fall very much..
once i heard tear could relieve ur feeling
i feel terrible
i wan to cry..please

I love BOA

BOA - EaT u Up!

She is the best....

Self Know

i always think i very clear to myself
in emotionly and also in the way i settle my stuff
but nowadays i realize i am very easy to be moved
whenever i get ignored, rejected, scolded..etc..i know i wil have a bad and strong feeling
trying to ram my cool and steady mind...
i always tried to put it down..stay focus ..but not for long..
when ever i am alone..i tend to do something that usually cannot be seen by others..

especially these few days, when tension and stress join forces..there is no where i can hide...
i found my new self..i am a guy but i cannot be hurt in or out..easily moved and easily boom to a sense that even i feel disgusted of myself...

i feel disapointed of myself...i always look up high of how i am ...but after so long..i realize that i have to add another point to my list of failureness..even though i am clear of wat i am ..i do not find it something great.. i find my weakness more and more ..day by day ..and worth of myself..getiing deem and deem...

wat i am now?losing the self control of myself? losing my mind?losing my thought.? am i that weak ? do i need help? i really dunno..i wish to be stronger but i am not..all of it is just merely a wish..a hope ...i need support ...but i do not know how.....

please..give me strength........

Virtual Life Kills U In Real Life

Woman jailed after 'killing' virtual husband
A 43-year-old player in a virtual game world became so angry about her sudden divorce from her online husband that she logged on with his password and killed his digital persona, police said.

The woman, who has been jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data, used his ID and password to log onto the popular interactive game "Maple Story" to carry out the virtual murder in May, a police official in the northern city of Sapporo said Thursday. He spoke on condition of anonymity because of department policy.
"I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," the official quoted her as telling investigators and admitting the allegations.
The woman, a piano teacher, had not plotted any revenge in the real world, the official said.
She has not yet been formally charged. If convicted, she could face up to five years in prison or a fine up to US$5,000.

Players in "Maple Story" create and manipulate digital images called "avatars" that represent themselves, while engaging in relationships, social activities and fighting monsters and other obstacles.

In virtual worlds, players often abandon their inhibitions, engaging in activity online that they would never do in the real world. For instance, sex with strangers is a common activity.
The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married to kill the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his online avatar was dead.

The woman was arrested Wednesday and taken 620 miles (1,000 kilometers) from her home in southern Miyazaki to be detained in Sapporo, where the man lives, the official said.
The police official said he did not know if she was married in the real world.
Bad online behavior is usually handled within the rules set up by online worlds, which can ban miscreants or take away their virtual possessions.

In recent years, misbehavior in the virtual world has in some cases had consequences in reality.
In August, a woman was charged in the U.S. state of Delaware with plotting the real-life abduction of a boyfriend she met through the virtual reality Web site "Second Life."
In Tokyo, a 16-year-old boy was charged with stealing the ID and password from a fellow player of an online game in order to swindle virtual currency worth US$360,000.

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noob betul..play game until so emo for wat....

Pest

life pretty much pathetic..
i am going along with pathetic ppl..
they smell like inconsiderate human..
they look like human onli in the outside

gosh..i dunno wat to do with these beast
they are selfish, brainless, useless, and nothing worthy about them
yet they think they are always right and refuse to admit their mistake
and wont even give a sign of apologize .. this wat we call amature or childish little pest

yeap..there are such ppl exist in this world .. spoiling the scenery..disgrace the word HUMAn
and embarass their pathetic face and their parents..
this person dont have right to exist.. they are wat we call pest..

ruining everyone life for the sake of their pride... its not pride..pure selfish is more suitable
they even smell fishy!!!
the suck....

yeap... worthless post about pathetic ppl...
i hate them,, i might smile toward them...but i onli smile to them like a pest.. like a cockcroach
but i will smack them from behind and smile them with a evil smile...and say " serve u rightm, pest"

Finally

if u guys ever realize on the right side of my blog there is an advertisement

in order to see more private side of me from internal to EXTERNAL..

u must CLICK on that adverstisement!!!

LOL..yeap..i am making a fool for u

it just an advertisement that i put up out of boredam and i never care about it...

but i out of bore AGAin...i check my account in nuffnang(the organization in charge of the advertisement) and i found this :-

i do not know how to use photoshop..so click to view bigger ...

i earn 50 cent!! woohoo..this is the first time i earn through blogging lol..i know the amount is not big but after blogging for 2 years?? it just excited and feel good about it...

if u guys ever view this page again :p remember to click it once..hahhaa

blogging seem to become my habit again...i am serious this time..i do care wat i wrote and how i express to others ..how angry i am..how happy i am..or like now how excited i am ...

i understand a fact today..something u do it does not mean meaningless..it just the result is yet to come... i always blame many thing to many people that wat i am into is not working ...i said its time wasting..i said it is no use.. i said i did enough... but wat i never knew is that ... i am not determine enough...

i will change the whole thing again...i will do every thing i started!! and ended with a RESULT...

even it mean a failure..at least i stood up and able to tell others...

"i did my best, and i am serious that i did my best " without a single doubt.... :P

lame post again ...

hahaha

wat u expecting??it 5am now ...i am tired lol