Free Fly~~

its 4am..

and i just finish my uni's stuff...

its so hectic

feel so prison like..i cant free myself off..

when i got this feeling

i think of wat u asked me always or tell me sometimes...



yes, i will honestly answer u that i am a free bird..

i couldnt be stop, couldnt be tied down..

i am not born like this..is just the feeling of unable to feel myself

already made me become wat i am now..

i fear of the feeling of being someone burden, or responsible for someone..

even u dun ask for it, i will still generate it by myself... i am that nature

and i couldnt explain why..and soon i will lose myself...resulting losing u...



so i choose to be wat i am now.. to be the wild ..to be free.. to be living a world of my own..

i am sorry of being so harsh to told u straight.. but ..being honest to u ..

is the onli best thing i could do to anyone that wanted me to change...



leave me... i am JUST this way....



weeeeee...........

Frozen Heart After a Winter Sleep

i tried my best to become someone for u ,
i tried to be by ur side when u need a shoulder,
i tried to care u with all my heart,
i tried to keep u awake from nightmare,
i tried to be ur air when u are suffocated,
i tried to put u one with my heart...

______________________________________________________________________

It keeps coming back to me


I remember this pain
It spreads across my eyes
Everything is dull

Everyone's smiling, they're smiling
It pushes me far far away
I can't understand
Everything is blue

Can you hear me out there?

* Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
I'm gazing from the distance and
I feel everything pass through me
I can't be alone right now
Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
I'm lost in a deep winter sleep
I can't seem to find my way out alone
Can you wake me

I know when I let it in
It hides love from this moment
So I guard it close
I watch the moves it makes

But it gets me, but it gets me
I wish I could understand how I
Could make it disappear, make it disappear

Anyone out there hear me now?

Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
Kiss my lips and maybe you can take me to your world for now
I can't be alone right now
Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
Please make it all go away
Am I ever gonna feel myself again?
I hope I will

_________________________________________________________________________

if u choose to live in ur own, u will nvr become wat u dream of
if u choose to live in ur own, u will nvr be happy of ur future
if u choose to live in ur own, its hard for me to live within u ..~~
my heart will eventually froze..

take care...

cant u feel my heart is frozen and live just for u ?
for once,
will u hold me? hold my frozen heart...
just hold it.....

Geezzzz

i feel so shitty now..
why am i expecting too much..
why am i asking so much in return..

i do not like the feeling of being used
it totally show a disgrace over myself
i just wan to do my best for the one i care
for the one i love, for ppl i acknowledge
but at the end i know i am just another tool for them to climb

wat is the worth of me now?
wat shall be fix in order to make myself chill right now?
i am going to kaboom at any time soon
thing happen to often that i no longer able to stand it..
wat is fren? wat is love? how many thing is some fren can actually hide behind u
in order to use u, use ur care toward them ...

haih...
no good no good.. thing nvr seem to be changing..
this matter is so common i can bring out 10-100 of stories that happen to me
but well, i am able to see who is real and who is fake though
i wont lose hope ,i wont lose faith..
i believe there is love,there is care in human being..
search it out ...and nvr give up on myself...

**life have to go on!!...so make it a greater one :) **

Hello

just wan to drop by some words here..

tonight feeling was awesome...

recently have been so busy towards surrounding,
assignment, gathering, hand out, party!~

i do not have a time for myself...

exam is near and everyone is turning 21..

feel so happy for them yet very struggle for myself to please them..

tonight..after very much hectic weekdays and pass weekend

i can sit down and drink my cup of soya bean and blog about how relax i am now

(eventhough i was suppose to go meet up somebody, but i cancel it due to some reason :P )

i finally get the feeling back where u really wan so much time for urself ...

it feeeeellss real good.. family not at home, i am watching all the tv i wan..

assignment is on schedule, and i can eat my supper quietly and not outside food(self cook :D )

i wonder will the life of after graduate be the same?

i am going to do my 12 weeks intern soon..i might not able to be with my family
because places i wan to go is either in johor or penang..

my feeling right now is it the beginning of the life of working?

handling stress skill is something i am confident of..
but the fear to step to another stages of life where u will be independent in terms of financial ,mentally and also ur life ...

i suddenly fear, fear of it..fear of losing time ..fear of losing ppl that i really wan to be with now..

worry u cant grab them even u wanted to...

intern..it sound exciting to me at the very first thought...but day by day..it doesnt sound so fun..its like a beginning to the end of the stages i am in now...

is that how it suppose to be? i guess i have no other choice, as a man, as a adult..its a job to responsible not to surrounding but u urself, i am not saying i dun responsible for family ,its a bonus to able to do so..but i really need to learn to settle myself b4 i include my family in or life partner...

everyone~ give me strenght , and hope thing will onli get better and not worst...

good luck to me :D

beware "punk interns"

drop

wat does it feel for someone that drop from a very high to the very deep down..
i seen bungy jumping or any other sport that related to High to low..
but i guess the most worst of this stuff is mentally u thought u are top of the world
but when the next second u been pull down to the deepest core of ur heart...

it is really.............. unable to decribable pain....


when u thought u are getting promoted, u got demoted instead at the announcement
u thought u are having a great leisure, u got debt instead at the next moment
u thought u are doing pretty well in exam, u got fail instead when result release

all this is just life.. i have beed through up and down oftenly and it usually made us stronger and muvh endurance toward the other drop..

we must always prepare to drop and always be ambitious to stand back up again...

this is a post i dun write for anyone to know..but for me myself...
i am drop down in a deep dissapointed..but i guess.. with this post , i am able to boost me up and face the other drop that is soon coming....

tadah,

life isnt fair

current emotion is very not well
this time i feel others.. i am being sync with someone that is being so harsh toward themself
the usual me will just give them a slap and called them to wake up!
but this case resist myself not to do that...

because..i couldnt understand well wat had she suffer from..
i could no longer say..i understand how u feel..

its sucks..sometimes i felt the world is not fair enough
why is somebody have to suffer another diff lvl of suckness that will make them lost the path ..
its right we shud be tough and shud be rough to face obstacle..
but isnt that a bit too much??...
i just dun get it..for the very first time..i pitied someone..pitied for being brought up in an environment that greatly destroy..in a surrounding close person that nvr is close toward their heart...

its all by herself..and all by her alone...
even i couldnt say that i am by her side... she endure something that i nvr tried..something that i dun dare to tried..something that i will wish my life would not ever get it...

life isnt fair...that is my line for now..i really hope i could help this little girl..become someone she really wan..someone she really happy of..someone that will make her feel alive..someone that will make her think that dead is a fearful incident

but i could onli look by far... and react nothing..

i feel like a total loser...

but its no longer my feel that is concern..
i just hope she is blessed and someone grant me the wisdom to make her realize...
to make her jump out of the dark cave...
i am really really really feeling terrible for someone the first time..
and i hope she will be much better...

may everyone bless her..

It doesnt mean ANYTHING

wat it mean scenario 1
Out of sudden, someone CRASH, BANG, SLAM the door ..and that totally shocked me.. before i am able to get myself back.. 1 after another repeat the action of the first ..CRASH, BANG, SLAM ,CRASH,BANG ,SLAM ......

someone ordered me to do something, another called me to something, and lastly there is someone scolded me for not doing ANYTHING... sweat !

where is the manners they learn?..why is the politely request for help turn into anger order?.. who ever teach them the way to speak thIs way? how it turn out like this? and the most important ...WAT is all the MEANING of telling me stuff like manners, polite, humble, tolerance WHEN u obviously not being an ideal one to me....double sweat!

----ever wonder wat i do in physical with all those mental thInking bout stuff liek that?----
* i quietly did all their request =.= * (yes..i am cheap)

wat it mean scenario 2

u feel bad then u feel it couldnt be tolerate no more..u request a promise.. after some debate..u success and promise is made by the second party...

after a day..(nope ..it dun even last more than 24 hours).. second party come to u , told u wat happen , he/she feel the consequences and HAVE nvr say sorry even though he/she obviously know they broke the promise..

u feel frustrated, u feel forgiving her..u cant.. and then u voice out..telling Him/her .. " wat about our promise?"..she stare at u ..the face expression ..sometime cheeky, sometime give u the "OH NO" face.. some just smile ..and said "i forget :P"...usually is that often..but some cases might be "i am force to" "i dun mean it" "no next time"..but i guess.. "i forget" usually is sucks the most...

after many consequences..and thought and stuff..promise is make not just for sake of u wan make promise..at least thats wat i tHink..

yeah yeah right~~ u forget..so wat u expect me to say ? "nvm, remember next time " and repeat again the next time u said u forget?

so wat is promise? wat is the meaning of it? nothing..not even the existent of it.. terrible...


* i been so used to thIs 2 incident that i can get a PHD in thIs..humans!! get a life..get urself!! dun be an uncivilise..when we are obviously are~~~

---wonderful..really do make my day =.= ---

GG.com... sayonara..