Pathetic

i guess no one really will read anything here,

so here goes my terrible english...

i just wanna lay a question, how would u feel when u give all u had for something u cherish the most and yet the opposite always mention "i dun feel love from u , i feel i am like nothing at all"

is always easy to feel greedy to be love , and to be care but a phrase like that for someone that truly cherish u , they will break down

i always having this issue where ppl always think i dun give a fucking care about them

one of the most obvious happening is when Ken ask me "are u christian?"

i say "yes"

he replied " Do u go church ? Do u very into christian ?"

i say "yes"

and then he give me a reaction and said " Other than a bible in ur car, u dun look anyhow and i hardly believe u are Christian "

at that moment i felt , it was not how u are being judge by ur action ...

at a point i feel ur aura or impression give others how u see stuff...

you will always be the one that doing the bad stuff, and ppl always intend to freak out when u care too much

is like " wow! aaron actually so serious about it,

wow! nvr thought aaron can do something so cool " when u are just repeating doing something everyday ..the problem just no one really notice...

i wont boost around saying i do cherish a lot of thing...

but the world have to be fair to me, i aint a heartless freak over here...

there is a lot of thing i cherish , but yet the one u love the most always tend to find it hard to believe when u throw it into their face.. it is not they dun feel it.. they DUN BELIEVE!!

whenever u are trying to mention to ppl , "WOW, you actually care a lot!!!"

to be honest , it is a disgrace for ppl like us more than a compliment...

i am in such situation now where my heart and my effort tend to become a zero commitment in other ppl live,

my parents wont think i give a damn , my love always claiming i had not give enough...

i just dun feel i have anymore left when I GIVE IT MY ALL!!!

i have no one to talk to , no one to share but this pathetic blog,

i really hate this world for giving all the best to ppl that always got love,

yet ppl like us .. we are just low level... its like we are forever in a bad position to say we did stuff really good..

main point.. the moment we wan love... ppl tend to say stuff like " u already got so much from us!!! "

i will sweat a moment and feel like walking off, its so funny

its like i am shit that i dun deserve anything at all..

and eventually whatever i have now, i can proudly tell ppl i owe it with my best effort...

ppl that really knows me knows i care too much for others, while my own love wan...

is the totally opposite of that...

pathetic, i would say i am pathetic,,,

just freaking pathetic....

Regret

I did the most regretful thing in my life and amending wrong is such a hurt to my beloved.. I wan to mark my mistake here and to let myself remember this mistake !! I will turn a new leaf! I will make her happy

Work Like a slut!!

This boss is the worst case scenario!!
Meeting nvr ending.. Meeting produce workload and workload cannot finish due to meeting...

原来爱情那么难

為什麼愛會下起雨來
為什麼我們 越走越散
為什麼笑 有點不自然
為什麼 我的愛 有點不安

眼淚排山倒海再抵擋不了傷害
我們的 愛結束在這個夜晚
春夏 冬暖 多需要有你的陪伴
此刻我一個人習慣孤單
愛最痛的 呼喊是不能夠再重來
多年後 我卻牢牢記在腦海
幸福再來 我依然會充滿期待
找回愛最初的幸福港灣

眼淚排山倒海再抵擋不了傷害
我們的 愛結束在這個夜晚
快樂 太難 太心酸 我才發現了孤單
原來 愛情真那麼難
原來 愛情那麼難

Dedicated to you *my reverie*

Alright this is what I'm gonna do. People says that my blog is boring, indeed, it is...only a place for me to express my feelings, to rant about my dissatisfaction and my viewpoint. But today, with all my creativity (I hope) I would want to include in some pictures, not just mere pictures i mind you, these are my V.I.P.s ( very important person, very interesting peeps)...

What more, but to begin this with my only one. Specially for you my reverie.

Nothing more I could describe about you but to say that you are really special to me in some way or another. And my heartfelt gratitude to say "thank you" for :

1.) Loving me, of course
2.) For giving me an unforgettable first date ( it is indeed mind blowing and dead romantic...teehee)
3.) Being my friend
4.) Understanding me
5.) Taking care of me when I'm sick ( for coming all the way to buy me a very-very-nice-but-could-not-finish porridge)
6.) Being there for me when I teared
7.) For respecting me
8.) For making me smile
9.) For worrying about me (it shows how much you really cared)
10.) For the mp3!!!! ( omg, it's a red color, and my fav color! awww....and you know that I can't live without a single minute without musics)
11.) For accepting me and all my weaknesses
12.) For being a father-like to me
13.) and For giving me HOPE.

Because Love never fails. Hope does not disappoint.
I would hold on to them, till I could finally say, " we've made it".


Quoted from her blog....
*I wish she will tell me all over again...*

last night.. i sleep a lot.. for me is a healthy sleep..
i realize i am picking myself little by little for just one day
i have a conversation with people around me
and i feel thing seem to be much and much more familiar..just like the way it used to be..
does human really have to drop to the lowest point before they realize the meaning of being themself..?


i am starting to think clear.. i am like a new paper.. empty and clean
starting to absorbing things i wan ..thing i really want to be fill in by me..the author..
i am starting to see hope.. start to believe in myself.. start to see how bright the sky..
to really feel that life can be really be so much better if i would just be right :)

i know i often say things like i am gonna be okay.. but this time.. i suppose thing have become really much more better... i start to feel tired.. not because of the stress..but is because i am able to relax and let go so much thing surrounding me.. i no longer mind what i had, what i want.. i just wan to enjoy the moment i am breathing and appreciatte people that do so much just for me..

i feel like i am just like a writer now, i just wan to write a good story.. a positive writer..
nvr feel sad or cry for thing i wrote wrong.. but just able to crumble the negative that i wrote..and write all over again.. all i wan is just to write a good story..for me , and people that will reading it as well~~

i feel so sleepy, i feel like smiling.. i feel i want thing to be better...i need to write a good story....

i just wan to enjoy life~

today i had gone up one more lesson,
Last night,i had a great night and Today, I also had a great morning...

Life is really really isnt easy, i could actually tell myself that i been through a lot of thing...
To put it simple, i thought i am strong.. last time , i always think
Why people have to suffer in something that is so small of?
Why do they need to torture themself?
i think this way, is not because i do not have a heart for them..
It just that i been through something which is more than what they have been through
People that i am close with, been through more than just that..but i do not see them frown...

I always thought, human strength in outward or inward is depending on how his or her mind think..
As long as u be smart, be a bit not so stubborn, think the right way.. then u can endure almost every pain in the world can be given...

But i am wrong.. my own thinking and thought is really able to only useful for myself..
It couldnt apply onto someone that is completely new to this..
Thats why they are confuse, they refuse to listen.. they cant think wisely no matter how many notes and no matter how many help u gave them...

I suppose we should really do it in a hard way isnt it?
Letting someone that is in need to learn their own way, create their own thought... train themself..
it is how they become immune to thing that they are worrying and fear of now...
I realize the best thing for being with someone is just being with them patiencely ...
Not expecting them to be strong as u are.. just let them pass through pain that will soon recovered..
It heartache.. so its understandable when someone u love break down in front of u ...
u cant manage to handle the pain .. so u will do anything that is not needed in order to make them feel better.. but unconsiously , only to realize you made thing goes worst...

I believe everyone capability in handling stuff might not be that good ..some is really strong.. some is really bad at it..
But all this is produced with their background, whether are they educated properly or who they are going on with ...frens,relatives and even strangers..

I personally ,honestly can say that i come from the worst background in society..
People that knew me well.. know that i dont really expose where and what i am from...
And also educated? i am not saying educating in term of school..its wat how surrounding educate you... If u ask me who is my own teacher, i will say is me...myself.. Yes, i am born without being teach how to see things in a better way.. in a better view..that explain why i wasnt that bright when i was little.. i hAd the most terrible childhood.. i onli see darkness through it..
so i really do understand wat is the difference between darkness and light.. wat is deeper and wat is brighter...

Frens and other people that surrounding me had teach me very well ( but not during my dark ages) ... i am glad to have surrounding people escorting me with how they treat me...including betrayal and take me for granted..

All the feeling had make me numb .. all the stuff that happen have sometimes made me lose myself.. i am not frown and i am not sad of it..because i still knew its not really that wise to be sad or frown for it.. But its only make me become not as good and fine as last time.. so picking up myself is what i should really be doing now...

Qi Xiang today told me how to pick myself by giving me a way.. TRY and ERROR...
in many things, try a method u had and applying on different subject...
All the subject will give a different result..when a method is useful..it became ur method
and that is how u pick up urself.. with all the good thing u did and also for yourself..
When u know something is urs , something u own and only u own it.. that complete yourself..
everything about you is so extraordinary...

He also told me something that is so simple... but maybe when someone live too long.. simple isnt an option for them i guess..due to many factors like being cautios or fear...
Life seriously, no one mention and will think is easy..unless u are a retard (being retard is good huh?)
since life is not easy,why not make the best out of it.. smile through hardship .. shout through silence.. fight through weak... and ENJOY YOUR LIFE!

ENJOY YOUR LIFE! this sentence suddenly hammered to my brain so much that it still sound real hard in me... i wish who ever that is not feeling well, giving up hope, clinging on, enduring and carrying on with their life.. remember, all we have to do ... is just ENJOY YOUR LIFE~